It is a lovely April day and the flowers are blooming but my spirit is wilting! I was looking at the calendar last night and realized that we have been waiting for our referral exactly 9 months and 3 days. If this was a "traditional" pregnancy (as opposed to what we call a "paper pregnancy" in the adoption world) Mickey and I would have our baby now. I am feeling a little down and a little frustrated and very impatient because we still have such a long wait ahead of us. Although there is a guarantee that we will have a baby in our home, that blissful reunion day remains ever elusive - we can't circle a date on our calendar and know with certainty that he will be here. We can't say without a doubt that this will be our last summer without a child of our own, our last child-free anniversary dinner, our last Christmas without a visit from Santa .. but we hang on to the hope that maybe ... My mind tells me that, in time, the call will come and our perfect little boy will fly over the moon and into our arms. But until that day arrives, wow! We were warned by those who've been here, "the process is such a roller coaster ride!" "The highs are high and the lows are lower than you can imagine" .... it is so true! One day I will look at the calendar and think "Wow, look at the months that have passed, time is going by so quickly" and then other days (like today) I feel like we are in an April time warp! Will April come to an end?
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer today, but hey! It's my blog and I can whine if I want too!!! However, I do feel a little better after my vent so, if you are still reading, thank you!
Someone posted this poem on the Korea adoption forum and it gives me comfort. I pull it out and reread it alot! Here it is:
"Wait", I see beyond the stretch of yesterday the reality of today and the corner of tomorrow.
"Wait", you will find joy and wisdom in this arduos journey.
"Wait", trust in my faithfulness and love, even when things don't make sense.
"Wait", the process is sometimes the only available venue for a miracle.
"Wait", I have a supreme surprise for you and want you to remain perfect for the moment.
"Wait", and know that along each path of life, I will walk with you.
"Wait" I know and hold your child.
3 comments:
My husband and I waited 22 months for our son to arrive from Korea in 1989. We began the process in November 1987, and he arrived in September 1989.
Every time I look at him, think of him, or see a picture of him, I thank God we waited.
You will be, too.
keep smilin'
It'll happen!
Rach xxxx
I read your blog and I cried because I know how you feel. We haven't been waiting as long as you only a month. However, we tried for 5 yrs. So everyday seems so long. I pray that your day will come very soon!! Just know that like you said at the end of this journey you will have a beautiful child!
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